Wedded Bliss

For sure not the final adventure in this relationship, but surely the next big one, Chris and I got married on the 25th. The day was sunny and beautiful, everyone had a great time, and there were red velvet cupcakes - what more could a girl ask for?

For the last year I have been asking a lot actually. Mostly my questions have been to married friends and family asking them if it feels different to be married hoping desperately that they would say you suddenly felt like a shiny rainbow unicorn. Why this need? Heaven only knows.

Living together before marriage was a requirement for both of us. We had already put our lives together as much as we could. We had spent time with each other's families. We had Nacho, Kolby, Sid, the fish, and some plants I keep trying to kill. We survived 4 months of training and 3 years of grad school.  Our relationship has always been practical and for anyone who knows me, they know that would rank high for me. Over dinner with some friends Chris said quite simply he didn't want things to change after we got married - that he likes our relationship the way it is. And the truth is so do I - why do I feel like a shiny rainbow unicorn is even needed? Why can't being married be enough? Now that the day has actually come and we are officially married, the truth is, it is enough just to be married. I don't need a shiny rainbow unicorn and I don't think people need me to have that either so I am happy with what it is: the start of a happily married life built on the solid foundation of a practical relationship filled with love.

It is still new so it shouldn't be much of a surprise that I don't feel like a wife yet. I can still count the number of times I have called him my husband. The paperwork is a hassle. I have yet to perfect my new signature. And there is this flutter in my heart when I see the ring on his finger and I know that he is mine from now until forever. And that last feeling, that flutter, is the one that I don't ever want to fade.

Changing MY Conversation

All this motion right now about this "tutus are lame" SELF magazine scandal has been INTENSE. I sat with my SELF magazine today and flipped through most of the magazine not really seeing anything that would raise an eyebrow (other than debating whether or not their models are photoshopped) and found the infamous picture tucked away at the end of the magazine and it made me think - what IF the situation was different?

My friends and I have tossed around the great idea that the magazine should have just dressed up an intern in a tutu if they were going to make fun of it and you have to ask yourself, would you have really cared then if the magazine called wearing a tutu silly? I mean REALLY cared?

If they had taken the picture off the web, or if Monika didn't happen to have cancer at the time that picture was taken, or if no one who knew Monika or Tara saw the pic, would the reaction have been different?

Think about this - "Be kind to every person you meet because you never know what someone else could be going through. "

Now, I don't want to assume anything about you, but I know 2 things about me: 1) I am awesome. 2) I have made fun of people when I knew they would never find out. Perhaps you have too and you can relate. Now, I am not a popular fitness magazine, I didn't request someone's photo under false pre-tenses, and I do not condone what this magazine did, BUT I think if we really want to change the conversation, we need to also think of the conversations we have with our friends...about other people...when we feel confident that they won't find out what we have said about them. 

I love the girl empowerment and the runner love and the tutu support. That being said, I think in reality we have all said something mean about someone at some point. Even something mean about ourselves - and that is no better. What is it with human nature that makes us feel better about ourselves when we put someone else down? How can women who are role models for other women hate on themselves? How can we #changetheconversation? Well, I am going to start with me as that seems the best place to start. 

I am going to change MY conversation.

I am going to use this incident as a learning experience: be careful of what you say and do as you never know what might come of it. And, most importantly, don't say anything about anyone that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying to their face.