What I learned at school last week

Tuesday:

From a teacher who's class I cover once a week for the other science teacher and has made a point of being a major ho bag to me...

"Ms. Tarshes, I have been looking for you since last Tuesday."

"Well, I haven't been hiding. What's up?"

 "Last week you took my pen. I had a blue pen in my room. I saw that you used a blue pen and then it was gone when you left."

 "Well, I had my own blue pen. I saw yours but I didn't use it. I used mine then took mine when I left."

"Well, mine is gone and you were the only one in there so what am I to think other than you took it?" 

"Perhaps John took it. He is always using those pens for his classwork."

 "Ms. Tarshes, what are you going to do about my pen?"

"I will look and see if I have it, but I doubt I do."

Time passes....

"Did you bring me my pen?"

"No, I looked, but I was correct. I only had my pen, I never took yours."

"Did you bring me your pen?"

"No. Why would I give you my pen if I didn't take yours?"

"My pen is missing and you used a blue pen."

"Yes, but I didn't use your pen. I left your pen there. If one of your students took it, why would I have to replace it?"

"I GUESS its just a pen."

"Yes, it IS just a pen."

A tiny bit of time passes...

"I GUESS ITS JUST A PEN."

 "Okay, its just a pen."

Wednesday:

From my principal, "So, What does TFA think about what you're doing?"

"What do you mean what I am doing? Wait, I am not in TFA."

"The contract you signed with TFA is for two years."

"I never signed a contract with TFA."

"At the beginning of the year you told me you were with TFA."

"No I didn't. I went to grad school then taught for a year before coming here. No TFA."

"Well, the contract you signed with...."

"But I DIDN'T sign a contract with them. I don't work with TFA. And what do you mean what I am doing now? What am I doing now?"

"Nevermind."

Thursday:

From a student working in the area off the main science lab...

"Ms Tarshes, what does this do?"

"That is an emergency shower that is used if you ever spill chemicals on yourself. You are supposed to stand under it and pull the lever then the water comes out to wash them off."

"Can I pull it?"

"The water in here is turned off."

Yank....[water dumping, child screaming]

"Crap. I guess its back on."

Friday:

The ideal way to handle things.

1. Tell students in 603 that they are going to be split up and put into different classes for the last 3 weeks of school. Those classes will include 5th-8th grade special ed and the 7th grade. Students then proceed to freak out.

2. During a special ed meeting, announce that 603 is going to be split up and shoved into special ed classrooms against the desire of the teachers and without the backing of the LAW.

3. When 603's regular teachers come to talk to you about the situation say it has only be "suggested" and "nothing is final yet". Deny telling the students or other teachers about this plan. Say there is no reason for the teachers of this class to be concerned about any work that these students might need to finish for the last marking period of the year.

4. At insistence of teachers for answers, send them to someone else and say that someone else is where the final decision rests.

5. Make sure that someone else has no real idea what is going on either but that these changes will be made the following Monday.